It’s that time of year: when lazy summer days turn into what is often a frenzied back to school craze. Some kids and parents look forward to this new chapter. After all, it is an exciting time. But for many, back to school is a stressful time for parents and kids.
Even kids who are usually pretty flexible get nervous at the start of a new school year. The transition to a new classroom, with new kids, routines, and expectations can be difficult.
For kids who struggle with anxiety, going back to school often leads to more clinginess and butterfly tummies. Parents might struggle to get an anxious child on or off the bus, feel guilty for leaving a little one sobbing at preschool, and then feel unsure of how to respond to an after school meltdown that ends with, “I’m never going back to school again.”
Many children around the world experience some anxiety about the start of a new school year. Truth be told, most teachers feel it too. Thankfully, learning how to help back to school anxiety and support little ones during this time is easier than you might think.
Rather like the holidays, back to school season has a stress of its own. There’s a lot of pressure on parents to get kids suited up in new clothes and shoes, purchase a never-ending list of supplies, schedule school physicals, and reinstate morning and bedtime routines that relaxed over the summer.
The start of school usually signals the beginning of homework time, and the resumption of afterschool activities like dance, team sports, and theater. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. If you feel yourself becoming anxious and stressed, you might unintentionally pass those fears onto your kids. Giving yourself the proper tools to manage stress can help both you and your child navigate back to school more easily.
When you feel you have no time to meditate, that is exactly the time to meditate. We’re not talking about hours that you don’t have, we’re talking just a minute or two. When you feel overwhelmed, try the simple ABC method:
A: Accept your feelings. It’s okay to feel stressed. Remember, anxiety is energy, and you can find positive ways to channel it.
B: Breathe. Practice taking long, slow, deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Make your exhale longer than your inhale. You’ll feel much calmer, even after a couple breaths. Letting out a long sigh does wonders. Give it a try the next time you feel overwhelmed.
C: Calm your nervous system by visualizing something pleasant or saying some affirmations to yourself. Little mantras can make a big difference in how you perceive and respond to stress. “I am doing the best that I can” or “Storms don’t last forever, neither do stressful times.”
If you are able, try practicing a few yoga poses, do a longer meditation, or take a walk. Taking a quick break outside, just to notice the sun on your skin or the wind in your hair makes you feel better. Connecting with nature offers a quick emotional reset that calms overwhelm.
Kids need their feelings to be validated. Let them express their fears. Your job is to listen, offer reassurance, and give them the tools they need to feel better. Adults often trivialize kids fears by saying things like, “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Words like these minimize what a child is feeling and can often leave them feeling ashamed of their fears. It’s better to listen with kindness, empathy, and understanding. This approach makes children feel heard and much more secure.
Kids may only need to talk about something to feel better. You can listen without offering to fix things. If they seem to need a little help, you can use this listening time to help them make plans to deal with their worries. Helping kids make a plan is often an effective way to combat worry as it gives them a feeling of confidence and control.
In a body scan, children notice different parts of their body, and how they feel. Kids learn that their bodies are always communicating with them, sending them messages about their thoughts, emotions, and health. When a child learns to recognize that their body has a voice, and it communicates with them through subtle cues like butterflies in the tummy or sweaty palms, they can learn to listen and respond.
When a child learns to respond to symptoms of fear or stress, they can take steps to calm themselves down, before they become highly anxious or have a meltdown. Kids can learn to listen to their body’s whisper before it shouts, meaning, they learn how to respond to the first symptoms of fear, helping them to avoid a full-blown panic attack.
Visiting the school until your child feels comfortable looks different for every family. For some kids, a quick visit is enough. They see the school, where it is, and they feel comfortable. Other children, especially kids with some anxiety, might need more exposure to feel comfortable.
This might mean walks to the school, driving the route the bus will take, maybe even having a few picnic lunches on the playground to make the school and grounds feel comfortable and familiar. If possible, arrange a playdate at the school with one of your child’s friends. Having a friend nearby often eases anxiety.
Visualization meditation can help kids relieve stress by using their imaginations. Visualization practices can help kids reduce anxiety, pain, and even symptoms of illness. Using the power of their imaginations is something kids can do anytime and anywhere to feel calm, confident, and in control.
Invite your child to visualize themselves feeling calm and peaceful before school, on the bus, or in their classroom. Help them create a rich mental picture of how they want to feel, like a mental movie they can watch every night before bed.
Another way to use visualization is to help kids create a mental movie of a calm space or place they can visit when they feel afraid. This might be a place they have been, and enjoy, like a beach or favorite room in their house. It might be a make-believe place like a fairy-tale forest, or a place they access via rocket ship.
⭐️ Tip: Listen to Fox’s First Day or Dragon’s Magical Movie Theatre to introduce kids to the concept of using visualization to navigate back to school worries.
The important thing is for kids to practice visualizing on a regular basis to help them feel more calm and relaxed in times of fear and anxiety.
If possible, meet with your child’s teacher, the school counselor, cafeteria staff, bus driver, etc. before school begins. If you are able to, schedule a time for your child to visit their classroom, find their cubby or locker, walk the hallways, and become familiar with the route to the bathroom, the office, or any spaces they will be spending time in. This takes a lot of the unknown away and helps kids to feel more comfortable and secure in the days before school starts.
Every child needs a good friend, or a few, especially those with social or school anxiety. While many children gravitate to a friendly face or make new friends quickly, those who struggle with social skills are often left on the sidelines, not sure how to navigate classroom routines like pencil sharpening, lunch, and recess.
By planning ahead, teachers can give all children “First Day Friends” by pairing children for activities like lunch and recess. Pairing children can go on indefinitely throughout the school year for all children or for a child who needs companionship or support when joining in activities. You can suggest that your child’s teacher pair your child with a “First Day Friend” or lunch or recess buddy when they meet before the start of the school year, if you think it would reduce their anxiety.
Loving-kindness meditations are scientifically proven to reduce feelings of stress and anxiety, to reduce self-criticism, and to foster connection between ourselves and friendship with others. You can teach your child to practice loving-kindness meditation in these simple steps:
By practicing loving-kindness meditation, kids feel more secure in themselves. By being kind to themselves, and sending compassionate wishes to others, they become more empathetic, and a better friend. This practice encourages better peer relations and fosters compassion that is healing for the child and for the collective.
Remember the words of the Dalai Lama: “If every 8-year-old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.”
Self-love meditation teaches kids how to accept fear, with loving-kindness, so it loses its grip on their minds and bodies. Teaching kids to treat their fear with loving-kindness may seem a bit strange, but when kids respond to their fear with love and kindness, it makes a big difference.
When kids are afraid, ask them to treat fear the way they would a good friend. It might go something like this: “Hello fear, I am sorry you are feeling afraid today. How can I help you feel better?”
Invite kids to listen to what their fear needs. It might be a hug. It might be some cuddles under a soft blanket or some reassuring words. When kids accept fear, and don’t try to ignore it, or run from it, it tends to diminish. A simple self-love practice can help. Teach kids how to talk to themselves, and their fear with love.
“I am okay right now, even when I feel afraid.
I love myself right now, even when I feel afraid.
I love all beings on this planet: they get scared too.
I can be kind to myself when I am afraid.
I can love myself when I feel fear.
I can do things to help me feel better.
I am always okay.”
Using meditation and mindfulness helps your child begin the school year with more calm and confidence. Back to school is the perfect time to help your child begin a meditation routine that helps them feel and be their very best all year long.
